I heart New York another way
by Kadesch
Summary: Carrie wants to know why Big really wants to leave New York and she discovers some things she didn’t expect.


_Authors note: Sorry for all language mistakes, I'm German and a little bit out of practise. The story might be too corny for the hardcore fans but I just love to see Big and Carrie act together. It's just one of the stories out of my head. Of cause I don't own any of the characters etc. Hope you like it!_

He held out his hand to her and she couldn't resist, she let him pull her up to dance with him. She loved dancing with him. He was a fabulous dancer. Now they faced each other and began to twist slowly. Then he pulled her to him. Henry Mancini with "Moonriver". She'd never expected she would enjoy this song so much. It was wonderful to be in his arms, to smell and feel him. She enjoyed being near him. And he will be going away? Cause he was tired of New York? Watching grapes grow instead? She couldn't believe it, there was something that wasn't right on this story. She lifted her head from his shoulder and tried to look into his eyes.

"Hey."

"Hmmm?"

When he looked at her it seemed like he had been in thoughts before.

"Why do you really want to leave New York?"

He looked away, smiled lightly. Did she really see insecurity on his face?

"I told you."

He tried to pull her to him again but she continued looking at him.

"But I don't believe you."

That smile again.

"I'm tired of New York, I need something else. I can't stay here anymore."

Now he looked at her and tried to give his words strength but it wasn't really working.

"It can't be. You love New York like I do and if we are tired of it we go away for a week and are glad to be back again!"

"Oh."

He smiled his typical smile and pulled her to him again. She laid her head back on his shoulder but didn't want to give up.

"Do you have work problems? Have you been fired?"

"No. I will be working there."

"Is something with the flat?"

"No, I will rent it."

"Love problems?"

When she asked she heard him sigh. She tried to get a little space between them but he held her close and continued dancing.

"Come on, tell me. Perhaps I'm able to help you and you are able to stay in New York."

"You really wanna hear about it?"

She knew how hard it was for her to hear him talking about his girlfriends. To hear that he felt for other women like he felt for her once. But she wanted to keep him in New York, that's why she said:

"Of cause. We are friends, we listen to each other."

She heard him giggle.

"But I don't think you are able to help me. I'm in love with a woman I can't get, that's all."

"Is it still Willow Summers, although she treated you this way? Besides you are closer to her when you are living in California."

"No, it's not her. There would be anything here reminding me of her. But everything in New York is reminding me of the one I mean."

She sensed that he wasn't ready to say a name and she didn't really want to hear the name of the woman, who owned his heart like she never did.

"Does she know about your feelings?"

"I don't know. But I had my chance with her and I screwed it up. Really and more than one time. Today, now, that it's too late, I understand it. I don't think that she'll ever wants to be together with me again and I'm afraid to hear it again."

She was astonished. She didn't know Big this way. He seemed to be really hurt by this. She just wanted to start talking when he continued. It seemed like she had pushed the right button, suddenly he opened up.

"That's why I can't stay here. I can't stand it. Everywhere I go I'm remembered of the wonderful time I spend with her, the time she loved me and all I have ruined. It is a torture for me to see her in the arms of another man. I'm getting destroyed from the inside out that he is kissing her like I kissed her, that he touches her like I touched her, that he makes love to her like I made love to her."

She felt a shiver. How did this woman get so deep into his heart? She had tried it for such a long time but never did it. And she was thrilled remembering sleeping with Big. It was a firework of passion, tenderness and emotion.

Out of thoughts she said: "No one will ever make love like you do."

Now he stepped back and looked in her eyes smiling.

"Just saying."

This time it was her who drew him back to her, forced him back into the rhythm.

Who was she? Whom did he hurt so much? Suddenly she felt the conscious of her guilt. Natasha! Of cause! They had lived in this apartment together, it was here where she had found her, where she fell down and broke her tooth. She never found out how it really ended between the two of them but it must have been awful for him.

"Just talk to Natasha, perhaps she'll be finally able to forgive you."

"Natasha was the biggest mistake of my life. I destroyed everything with that. That's why I said after the accident that it wasn't working anymore and that I want the divorce. She wanted to work it out but it was a mistake from the beginning on..."

Now Carrie was totally confused. It wasn't Natasha either? Could it be? No, it was Big in front of her. But perhaps it could be because of that. No, it couldn't be. She felt him sighing.

"Talk to her."

"It's too hard."

He even held her closer. Could it be? What if not? And if it was true? But could it even be true?

She was confused. Her knees became week and she got dizzy. All the things that happened in the last few hours were too much. She had to get out of here.

Slowly she broke away from his embrace.

"It.. It's late.... I... I have to go."

He looked surprised and wanted to say something but she turned around and walked towards the door.

"Carrie!"

It was a quite cry although in despair. She stopped for a moment but than continued walking.

"It's you."

These words were spoken slightly but she had heard them.

"I don't know why it always went wrong between us, why I never really fought for you, even if you mean so much to me. Natasha was an escape from my feelings for you. When I realised this, I wanted to do anything to get you back but I wasn't able to manage it. I can't live without you but I know how much I have hurt you and that you just want to be friends. That's why I'm moving. To be able to be your friend. I can't bear it to be reminded of the wonderful time we had everywhere I go and to know that I ruined it all. I can't bear it to see you in another man's arms. I can't bear it to be so close to you without being able to get back the closeness we once had."

She had stopped moving and listened to him. Could it really be true? Was it really Big who said all this things to her? What should she do?

"I really tried but I can't do it. From California I am able to be what you want me to be. A friend."

Slowly she turned around. There he was standing looking at his feet and saying the words she always wanted to hear from him. He noticed that she had turned around and let his gaze travel from her feet over her body till his eyes met hers.

"I love you and will never be able to love anyone else the way that I love you."

He said it. He really did. He stopped talking. They were standing there, facing each other, their eyes locked. The record ended. The needle lifted itself and the song to which they had danced short time ago started to play again. Carrie felt her eyes getting moist and saw the same thing in Big's. A few minutes ago she didn't know who to react if it really was her, now she knew it. There was only one way and she was going to do it.

"I love you too."

Smiles appeared on their lips. They came close and fell in each other's arms.

"I promise you, I'll try to never hurt you again."

"Then don't leave. I need you here in New York."

"I'll send someone to catch the boxes from the airport tomorrow. But now..." He lifted her into his arms. "If nobody makes love like I do, you should never live without it again."

With these words he smiling carried her trough the empty apartment into his bedroom and made love to her till the dawn.


End file.
